some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
