He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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