Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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