I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
