Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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