If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
