apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
