wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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