Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
then he tried to convert me to islam
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
