I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
