Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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