It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
