drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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