Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
is that a dick in a sweater?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
His nipple licking is glorious
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