We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
