No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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