I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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