took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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