So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
