i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
