i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
