it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
