she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
