barbara walters just said penis...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
