Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
