I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
