Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I looked at my own cervix.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
