hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
