I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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