at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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