Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
