its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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