I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Panties = found
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
