You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
