Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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