your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
