why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
