dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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