I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
