she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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