been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
