my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
