Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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