Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
