the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
