That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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