found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
