Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
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why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize