Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
