Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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