Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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