Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
