Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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