my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
