his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
