I just cut my nipple shaving
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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