Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
