Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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