your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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