The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We are two peas in an std pod
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
