She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
