Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
