I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There r osticjed everywhere
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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