so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
