What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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