i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I need a burrito and a hug.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
