Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
