That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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