just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
