I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
