The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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