The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
