Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
