So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
