Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize