Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
