But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Porn is love you can see.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
