i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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