so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
