I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
