Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
