i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
